Drop Your Expectations – Why Reality Is Keeping You Broken
My conversations this week have mostly revolved around expectations and why I encourage my clients to get rid of them. Expectations not only create disappointment but they keep you stuck in your brokenness.
Now it might sound like I just told you to lower the bar and remove any expectations you have on life which is not at all what I mean.
Rather, it is about the expectations we have of others behaviors that leave us hurting and trying even harder to fix them.
You “Should” Be Doing This…But You’re Not
How many moments in your life come down to that headline above? You have an expectation of a loved one to behave a certain way because that is what they “should” be doing. Their “job description” in life dictates a certain behavior yet they can’t seem to be consistent at it. You end up feeling disappointed, hurt and wondering what YOU have done wrong.
EXPECTATIONS are made up of OUR experiences, OUR beliefs, OUR values, OUR perceptions, OUR knowledge. And yet we place them on OTHERS to perform to OUR standards not THEIR own.
The REALITY here is that they are giving what they are capable of out of their experiences, their beliefs, their values, their perceptions, their knowledge. Not yours.
If you have driven a Ferrari your entire life and get placed behind the wheel of a Ford Fiesta, you’re going to be disappointed when you put your foot on the gas pedal. Am I right? You expect your car to perform, to accelerate quickly, to fit you like a glove. Instead, you feel cramped, slow and a little like Fred Flintstone. Did the light bulb over your head go on yet??
Don’t Lower The Bar
I’ve had times in the past where my disappointment was so great and wounding that I just removed them altogether. The problem was I lowered the bar and removed my boundaries at the same time which is NOT the way to go!
We must begin with valuing ourselves enough to demand healthy relationships. Set healthy boundaries. Teach others how to treat you. Raise the bar in fact because you are worth it!
It doesn’t mean that you wont have hurt feelings or moments of disappointment. But, it will mean that you don’t allow it to define who you are or disrupt your self-worth. It allows you to see things objectively, to understand someone elses capacity to be healthy, and to love the person for who they are without labeling them.
Us vs. Them
Here is your take away. Stop the insanity of expecting others to perform, behave or be something they are not. Someone that they are currently incapable or unwilling to be. It only hurts YOU.
Give them space. Love from a distance. Set healthy boundaries for them.
Be you and let them be them. Stop defining your every moment by others actions.