I’m a crazy sci-fi nerd so when I hear the word “beam” I immediately think of “Beam Me Up, Scotty!”. It has absolutely NOTHING to do with our topic, but maybe now you’ll think of Star Trek all day! However, the word beam will come into play as we discuss supports for our journey to emotional wellness.
A House of Cards
How many of you are living in a house of cards? Waiting for the slightest breeze to make you come tumbling down, shattered around the floor. Slowly over time, you have built your life back up but you have no foundational support beams to withstand even a breeze. Every so often you would feel strong enough to put another layer of yourself out there to stack the cards higher, but it really is all an illusion.
Have I struck a nerve yet?
Our brokenness may have a lot of factors, angles and reasons that brought us to that place. Mostly, we are just broken people even with the most kind and loving families around us. We are broken because we aren’t accepting the gift of grace. We don’t value anything about ourselves. We don’t feel worthy. We feel guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, pitiful, pathetic, poor, and so on. We are broken. We are a tumbled house of cards.
No Life Support Vs. A Strong Foundation
Walking out your journey towards healing emotionally, mentally and physically does not mean that you will arrive one day without any pain or trials. But, your ability to handle the difficulties makes all the difference with the foundation you have under your feet.
My house of cards came tumbling down in 2004 when I made a very rash and very foolish decision. No matter how naive it was at the time and without understanding of the repercussions, the result was the same. I lost everything in ONE FOOLISH MOVE! One selfish, weak moment cost me my entire world and in ways I will never get back. One decision one day led me to be separated from my children for six years. It is time I can never regain. It is a life I will never live no matter how badly I want to do so.
Yes, there is so much to the story but that will have to unfold on other days. For those dangling in the balance, I have a great relationship with my boys and always have but our story will never be normal.
When I crashed and seeped further into my own personal pit of hell over the next six years, I had no life support. I had never built a foundation to support me. So, I medicated with many things to ease the sting of the pain. Anything to make me feel loved and accepted. Which none of them had that affect – actually I was left more empty with each medication. It got so bad most days that I just prayed to never wake up again.
I was desperate, alone, turned my back on God, and just wanted to die from the gut wrenching pain that consumed every molecule of my being.
Fast forward to today. I have a strong foundation under me. I am healed, restored and loved. I am accepted. I am valued and worthy. I bear no guilt, shame or regret. My situation with my children hasn’t changed. I will always be “the other parent” in the equation.
So how is it any different than just 2 years ago? My foundation.
Support Beams of Wellness
We will unpack these in the upcoming posts, let’s take a look at them briefly.
Own Your Story
You have got to own it! It’s your story and there is no reason to run from it. All of the dark places, poor choices, trauma – it’s yours like it or not. Our stories have places that people put us in and places we put ourselves. It is a product of choices – our own and others. Our choices have left us with consequences – some of those long lasting like mine above.One major hurdle you will have to jump is understanding YOUR choices that played the biggest part in your story. We have to stop blaming others and own our part.
Get in touch with your story. Accept it. Own it.
We have to forgive ourselves and the people who hurt us. It is difficult, but if we don’t we stay anchored to the past. Never moving forward. Never achieving the life we were supposed to live. Start making your list of who you need to forgive because we’re going to go there. Put yourself in the number one spot on the list.
Bear in mind that forgiving someone does not relinquish them from consequences but it does break the bond that holds you to that moment. It allows you to finally heal. Forgiveness is for YOU not THEM.
I find that the biggest issue we have in our world is a lack of self-worth. We don’t know ourselves, our value, our worth, our dreams, our identity. We have lost so much of ourselves over the years through events, traumas, and broken relationships. If we can’t forgive ourselves and release the bonds of guilt and shame, we can’t accept our own value.
This is so important to our progress towards healing. There is NOTHING we have done that cannot be forgiven. There is NOTHING that separates us from the love of our Creator.
Attitude goes beyond being positive in our nature. It extends to controlling our thoughts and modifying our words we use. We have to capture the old thoughts as they come back and replace them with what you know to be true today – always looking forward. Modifying our language with even simple phrases can help you to keep a positive attitude and thought control.
Shifting our perspectives will open a whole new world of possibilities. We begin to see and attract the good and positive. We bring about change.
We have to have support of the right people. Check who you have on your bus. Make sure you are the driver and kick-off those who don’t belong on this journey. Find a group, church, coach or counselor for solid advice. Keep close 2 or 3 friends who you totally trust who have your back.
Without accountability, it will be hard for you to progress. You have to have those who will challenge you to always keep going and keep your feet to the fire – with love of course!
The greatest of these is love. The Truth of Love and Grace will permeate any darkness you find yourself in. You were created to be in relationship. I’m not talking about your performance or religious rule or organization you belong to or don’t belong to. Simply put our Creator chose YOU to be in relationship with – that is how valued you are! He doesn’t judge, punish, hate, or turn himself from you – He just LOVES!
How beautiful is that? And, maybe something different than you have ever heard. We have a lot to cover on this one!
It’s time to fold your house of cards and start putting your foundational beams in place. Don’t panic. Yes, it is going to hurt at times. But, you can do this! I know you want more than you have. I know you deserve more and are designed for more. So why keep living where you are when around that corner is a bold, beautiful life waiting for you? It’s time to rejoin the living and be restored.